Monster Joke 1
What brings the monster’s babies? The Frankenstork.

Monster Joke 2
Did you hear about the monster who went to a holiday camp? He won the ugly mug and knobbly knees competition and he wasn’t even entered.

Monster Joke 3
How does Frankenstein sit in his chair? Bolt upright.

Monster Joke 4
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other? I didn’t know we lived on the same block.

Monster Joke 5
How did Frankenstein’s monster eat his lunch? He bolted it down.

Monster Joke 6
Why did Frankenstein squeeze his girlfriend to death? He had a crush on her.

Monster Joke 7
How did Dr Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster? On a piece rate.

Monster Joke 8
Frankenstein was sitting in his cell when suddenly through the wall came the ghost of his monster, with a rope round his neck. Frankenstein said, “Monster, monster, what are you doing here?” The monster said, “Well, boss, they hanged me this morning so now I’ve come to meet my maker.”

Monster Joke 9
What happened to Frankenstein’s monster on the road? He was stopped for speeding, fined $50 and dismantled for six months.

Monster Joke 10
What does Frankenstein’s monster call a screwdriver? Daddy.

Monster Joke 11
What happened to Frankenstein’s stupid son? He had so much wax in his ears that he became a permanent contributor to Madame Tussaud s.

Monster Joke 12
Dr Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 per cent glue and 50 per cent aspirin. Igor: But What’s it for? Dr Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.

Monster Joke 13
Igor: Only this morning Dr Frankenstein completed another amazing operation. He crossed an ostrich with a centipede. Dracula: And what did he get? Igor: We don’t know – we haven’t managed to catch it yet.

Monster Joke 14
What happened when Dr Frankenstein swallowed some uranium? He got atomic ache.

Monster Joke 15
Monster: Someone told me Dr Frankenstein invented the safety match. Igor: Yes, that was one of his most striking achievements.

Monster Joke 16
What do you call a mouse that can pick up a monster? Sir.

Monster Joke 17
Why did the monster stop playing with his brother? He got tired of kicking him around.

Monster Joke 18
What do you call a monster with a wooden head? Edward.

Monster Joke 19
What does a polite monster say when he meets you for the first time? Pleased to eat you!

Monster Joke 20
How do you tell a good monster from a bad one? If it’s a good one you will be able to talk about it later!

Monster Joke 21
What do you call a monster with two wooden heads? Edward Woodward.

Monster Joke 22
What does a monster do when he loses his head? He calls a head hunter.

Monster Joke 23
How did the monster cure his sore throat? He spent all day gargoyling.

Monster Joke 24
On which day do monsters eat people? Chewsday.

Monster Joke 25
What kind of monster can sit on the end of your finger? The bogeyman.

Monster Joke 26
Little monster: Mom, I’ve finished. Can I leave the table? Mommy monster: Yes, I ll save it for your supper.

Monster Joke 27
First monster: I have a hunch. Second monster: I thought you were a funny shape.

Monster Joke 28
Did you hear the joke about the two monsters who crashed? They fell off a cliff, boom, boom.

Monster Joke 29
How do you address a monster? Very politely.

Monster Joke 30
Did you hear about the monster who had twelve arms and no legs? He was all fingers and thumbs.

Monster Joke 31
HWhy did the monster lie on his back? To trip up low-flying aircraft.

Monster Joke 32
What do you get if you cross a plum with a man eating monster? A purple people eater.

Monster Joke 33
Where is the monster’s temple? On the side of his head.

Monster Joke 34
How do you communicate with the Loch Ness Monster at 20,000 fathoms? Drop him a line.

Monster Joke 35
What should you call a polite, friendly, kind, good looking monster? A failure.

Monster Joke 36
Boy: Did you know you can get fur from a three headed mountain monster? Girl: Really? What kind of fur? Boy: As fur away as possible!

Monster Joke 37
How can you tell if a monster has a glass eye? Because it comes out in conversation

Monster Joke 38
What makes an ideal present for a monster? Five pairs of gloves one for each hand.

Monster Joke 39
Did you hear about the monster who lost all his hair in the war? He lost it in a hair raid.

Monster Joke 40
What did the big, hairy monster do when he lost a hand? He went to the second-hand shop.

Monster Joke 41
Did you hear about the monster who had an extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them? In a handbag.

Monster Joke 42
Why was the monster standing on his head? He was turning things over in his mind.

Monster Joke 43
What do you get if you cross a tall green monster with a fountain pen? The Ink-credible Hulk.

Monster Joke 44
Did you hear about the Irish monster who went to night school to learn to read in the dark?

Monster Joke 45
Why did the monster take his nose apart? To see what made it run.

Monster Joke 46
What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume? He was convicted of fragrancy.

Monster Joke 47
On her annual visit to another planet, an old lady turns to the cabin steward and says. “I hope this spaceship doesn’t travel faster than sound. “Why?” replies the cabin steward. “Because my friend and I want to talk, that’s why.”

Monster Joke 48
Mr Monster: Oi, hurry up with my supper. Mrs Monster: Oh, do be quiet I’ve only got three pairs of hands.

Monster Joke 49
What’s big, heavy, furry, dangerous and has sixteen wheels? A monster on roller-skates.

Monster Joke 50
What should you do if a monster runs through your front door? Run through the back door.

Monster Joke 51
How do you stop a monster digging up your garden? Take his spade away.

Monster Joke 52
What do you do with a green monster? Put it in the sun until it ripens!

Monster Joke 53
What does a monster mom say to her kids at dinnertime? Don’t talk with someone in your mouth.

Monster Joke 54
What did Frankenstein’s monster say when he was struck by lightning? Thanks, I needed that.

Monster Joke 55
What happens if a big hairy monster sits in front of you at the movie theater? You miss most of the film.

Monster Joke 56
First Monster: I m so thirsty my tongue’s hanging out. Second Monster: Oh. I thought that was your necktie!

Monster Joke 57
What do you call a huge, ugly, slobbering, furry monster with cotton wool in his ears? Anything you like ? he can’t hear you.

Monster Joke 58
The monster spent a fortune on deodorants before he found out that people didn’t like him anyway.

Monster Joke 59
How do man-eating monsters count to a thousand? On their warts.

Monster Joke 60
Could you kill a monster just by throwing eggs at him? Of course – he d be eggs-terminated.

Monster Joke 61
What does the hungry monster get after he’s eaten too much ice cream? More ice cream!

Monster Joke 62
What’s the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle? The candle is a thousand times brighter!

Monster Joke 63
Why did the monster put the cake in the freezer? Because he had been told to ice it.

Monster Joke 64
1st Monster: What is that son of yours doing these days ? 2nd Monster: He’s at medical school. 1st Monster: Oh, What’s he studying ? 2nd Monster: Nothing, they re studying him!

Monster Joke 65
First monster: That pretty girl over there just rolled her eyes at me. Second monster: Well you d better roll them back to her, she might need them.

Monster Joke 66
What do young female monsters do at parties ? They go around looking for edible bachelors !

Monster Joke 67
Why is stupid monster like a jack-o #NAME?

Monster Joke 68
Girl Monster 1: “I hear you’ve met the perfect guy.” Girl Monster 2: “Oh yes, he’s a bad dream come true!”

Monster Joke 69
How does a monster begin a fairy tale? “Once upon a slime . . .”

Monster Joke 70
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes? Prankenstein!

Monster Joke 71
What would you get if you crossed a monster with a Thanksgiving dessert? Bumpkin pie!

Monster Joke 72
Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner? He was exceeding the feed limit!

Monster Joke 73
What did the monster say to the Thanksgiving turkey? “Pleased to eat you!”

Monster Joke 74
What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat? A bigger target.

Monster Joke 75
How do you stop a monster from smelling? Cut off his nose.

Monster Joke 76
Where do you find monster snails? On the end of monsters fingers.

Monster Joke 77
Where do space monsters live? In far distant terror-tory.

Monster Joke 78
What’s the difference between a monster and a mouse? A monster makes bigger holes in the skirting board.

Monster Joke 79
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.

Monster Joke 80
What’s big and ugly and drinks out of the wrong side of the glass? A monster trying to get rid of hiccups.

Monster Joke 81
Why did the monster dye her hair yellow? To see if blondes have more fun.

Monster Joke 82
Here’s a good book, said the sales assistant in the book shop to Mrs Monster. How To Help Your Husband Get Ahead. No, thank you, said Mrs Monster. My husband’s got two heads already. . .

Monster Joke 83
A very tall monster with several arms and legs, all of different lengths, went into a tailor’s shop. I d like to see a suit that will fit me, he told the tailor. So would I, sir, said the tailor. So would I.

Monster Joke 84
If storks bring human babies, what bring monster babies? Cranes.

Monster Joke 85
What do sea monsters have for dinner? Fish and ships.

Monster Joke 86
An enormous monster with eight arms and eleven legs walked into a tailors shop. Quick! shouted the tailor to his assistant. Hide the “Free Alterations” sign!

Monster Joke 87
What’s big and hairy and goes beep beep ? A monster in a traffic jam.

Monster Joke 88
What is a monster’s favourite society? The Consumers Association.

Monster Joke 89
How can you tell if a monster has a glass eye? When it comes out in conversation.

Monster Joke 90
FIRST HUMAN BOY: I can lift a monster with one hand. SECOND HUMAN BOY: Bet you can t! FIRST HUMAN BOY: Find me a monster with one hand and I ll prove it.

Monster Joke 91
What do you get if you cross a bird with a monstrous snarl? A budgerigrrrrr!

Monster Joke 92
FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I counted the rings under her eyes. BERT MONSTER: That’s nothing. My sister’s tongue is so long, she can lick an envelope after she’s posted it.

Monster Joke 93
FRED: Your monster was making a terrible noise last night. BERT: Yes – ever since he ate Madonna, he thinks he can sing.

Monster Joke 94
Why is the monsters football pitch wet? Because the players keep dribbling on it.

Monster Joke 95
FIRST MONSTER: I m going to a party tonight. SECOND MONSTER: Oh, are you? FIRST MONSTER: Yes, I must go to the graveyard and dig out a few old friends.

Monster Joke 96
What do you get if you cross a monster with a flea? Lots of very worried dogs.

Monster Joke 97
MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice to my mother when she visits us this weekend, dear. Fall down when she hits you.

Monster Joke 98
What did the monster say to his psychiatrist? I feel abominable.

Monster Joke 99
Why did the monster go into hospital? To have his ghoul-stones removed.

Monster Joke 100
Monster: Where do fleas go in winter? Werewolf: Search me!

Monster Joke 101
What is a monster’s favourite drink? Demonade.

Monster Joke 102
What do they have for lunch at Monster School? Human beans, boiled legs, pickled bunions and eyes-cream.

Monster Joke 103
What’s the hardest part of making monster soup? Stirring it.

Monster Joke 104
FIRST MONSTER: Am I late for dinner? SECOND MONSTER: Yes, everyone’s been eaten.

Monster Joke 105
FIRST MONSTER: I fancy eating the city of Hong Kong tonight. Care to join me? SECOND MONSTER: No thanks, I can’t stand Chinese food.

Monster Joke 106
MONSTER MOTHER: How many times have I told you not to eat with your fingers? Use the spade like everyone else.

Monster Joke 107
Little monster: Mom I’ve finished. Can I leave the table? Mommy monster: Yes, I ll save it for your tea.

Monster Joke 108
Little monster: Mom, why can’t we have dustbins like everyone else? Mother monster: Less talking, more eating please.

Monster Joke 109
Little monster: Mom, Mom, What’s for tea? Mother monster: Shut up and get back in the microwave.

Monster Joke 110
Mommy monster: Don’t eat that uranium. Little monster: Why not? Mommy monster: You ll get atomic-ache.

Monster Joke 111
What happened to Ray when he met the man-eating monster? He became an ex-Ray.

Monster Joke 112
Waiter on ocean liner: Would you like the menu, sir? Monster: No thanks, just bring me the passenger list.

Monster Joke 113
Why did the monster paint himself in rainbow colors? Because he wanted to hide in the crayon box.

Monster Joke 114
Why was the big, hairy, two-headed monster top of the class at school? Because two heads are better than one.

Monster Joke 115
What can a monster do that you can’t do? Count up to 25 on his fingers.

Monster Joke 116
What aftershave do monsters wear? Brute.

Monster Joke 117
How did the world’s tallest monster become short overnight? Someone stole all his money.

Monster Joke 118
What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume? He was convicted of fragrancy.

Monster Joke 119
Did you hear about the monster who sent his picture to a lonely hearts club? They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely!

Monster Joke 120
Did you hear about the monster who had an extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them? In a handbag.mons

Monster Joke 121
A monster walked into the council rent office with a $5 note stuck in one ear and a $10 note in the other. You see, he was $15 in arrears.

Monster Joke 122
Did you hear about the monster with one eye at the back of his head, and one at the front? He was terribly moody because he couldn’t see eye to eye with himself.

Monster Joke 123
Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car? Because he was a car-case.

Monster Joke 124
Why did the monster drink ten liters of antifreeze? So that he didn’t have to buy a winter coat.

Monster Joke 125
What’s the difference between Frankenstein and boiled potatoes? You can’t mash Frankenstein.

Monster Joke 126
Why did Frankenstein’s monster give up boxing? Because he didn’t want to spoil his looks.

Monster Joke 127
What kind of book did Frankenstein’s monster like to read? One with a cemetery plot.

Monster Joke 128
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster? HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’s MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.

Monster Joke 129
Where does the bride of Frankenstein have her hair done? At the ugly parlour.

Monster Joke 130
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other? I didn’t know we lived on the same block.

Monster Joke 131
What did Dr Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish’s brain in the body of his dog? I don’t know, but it is great at chasing submarines.

Monster Joke 132
What do you call a clever monster? Frank Einstein.

Monster Joke 133
What do you get if a huge hairy monster steps on Batman and Robin ? Flatman and Ribbon !

Monster Joke 134
Frankenstein: Help, I’ve got a short circuit! Igor: Don’t worry, I ll lengthen it.

Monster Joke 135
What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?- A wash and wear wolf

Monster Joke 136
Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?- Because if they were small and round and smooth they d be M&M’s

Monster Joke 137
What’s pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa monster? – Grandma monster

Monster Joke 138
What monster flies his kite in a rain storm? Benjamin Frankenstein

Monster Joke 139
What’s a monsters favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet

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