45 Funny Sex Quotes

Funny Sex Quote 01
A girl’s legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part. – Redd Foxx (from Comedy Album – Huffin and Puffin)

Funny Sex Quote 02
As a lover, I’m about as impressive as a magician on the radio. – Scott Roeben

Funny Sex Quote 03
Continental people have sex lives; the English have hot-water bottles. – George Mikes (How To Be An Alien, 1946)

Funny Sex Quote 04
Conversation like television set on honeymoon…unnecessary. – Peter Sellers (as Mr Wang in Murder by Death, 1976)

Funny Sex Quote 05
Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them. – Steve Martin

Funny Sex Quote 06
Ducking for apples – change one letter and it’s the story of my life. – Dorothy Parker

Funny Sex Quote 07
He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical. – Les Dawson

Funny Sex Quote 08
Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone. – Dave Letterman

Funny Sex Quote 09
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. – Phyllis Diller

Funny Sex Quote 10
I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can buy. – Steve Martin

Funny Sex Quote 11
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath’. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds. – Joan Rivers

Funny Sex Quote 12
I practice safe sex – I use an airbag. – Garry Shandling

Funny Sex Quote 13
I think I mentioned to Bob [Geldof] I could make love for eight hours. What I didn’t say was that this included four hours of begging and then dinner and a movie. – Sting

Funny Sex Quote 14
I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though. – Elton John

Funny Sex Quote 15
If it weren’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life at all. – Rodney Dangerfield

Funny Sex Quote 16
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to? – Bette Midler

Funny Sex Quote 17
I’ll come and make love to you at five o’clock. If I’m late, start without me. – Tallulah Bankhead

Funny Sex Quote 18
I’m a terrible lover. I’ve actually given a woman an anti-climax. – Scott Roeben

Funny Sex Quote 19
It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married. – Drew Carey

Funny Sex Quote 20
It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. – George Burns

Funny Sex Quote 21
I’ve been in more laps than a napkin. – Mae West

Funny Sex Quote 22
Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying. – Rita Rudner

Funny Sex Quote 23
My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading. – Steve Jobs

Funny Sex Quote 24
Personally I know nothing about sex because I’ve always been married. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

Funny Sex Quote 25
Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got. – Sophia Loren

Funny Sex Quote 26
Sex is a two-way treat. – Franklin P Jones

Funny Sex Quote 27
Sex is better than talk…Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex. – Woody Allen (Hollywood Ending, 2002)

Funny Sex Quote 28
Sex is God’s joke on human beings. – Bette Davis

Funny Sex Quote 29
Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range. – Scott Roeben

Funny Sex Quote 30
Sex is like bridge: If you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand. – Charles Pierce

Funny Sex Quote 31
Sex is more fun than cars but cars refuel quicker than men. – Germaine Greer

Funny Sex Quote 32
Sex is nature, and I believe in going along with nature. – Marilyn Monroe

Funny Sex Quote 33
Sex is the best high. It’s better than any drug. I want to die making love because it feels so good. – Bai Ling

Funny Sex Quote 34
Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary. – Barry Humphries

Funny Sex Quote 35
Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. – John Barrymore

Funny Sex Quote 36
The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic. – Rita Rudner

Funny Sex Quote 37
The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty. – Woody Allen (Crimes and Misdemeanors, 1989)

Funny Sex Quote 38
There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem? – Phyllis Diller

Funny Sex Quote 39
What’s the most popular pastime in America? Auto eroticism, hands down. – Scott Roeben

Funny Sex Quote 40
When I came here, I couldn’t speak a word of English, but my sex life was perfect. Now my English is perfect but my sex life is rubbish. – Julio Iglesias

Funny Sex Quote 41
Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place. – Billy Crystal (City Slickers, 1991)

Funny Sex Quote 42
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. – Billy Crystal

Funny Sex Quote 43
You cannot grow a beard in a moment of passion. – G. K. Chesterton

Funny Sex Quote 44
You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither! – Drew Carey

Funny Sex Quote 45
You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither. – Steve Martin

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