Irish One Liner Joke 01
Q. “I hear Murphy died, ” said Pat. “Was he ill long?”
A. “No,” said Mick. “He died in the best of health.”
Irish One Liner Joke 02
Q. “O’Ryan,” asked the druggist, “did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife Bridget’s appearance?”
A. “It did surely,” replied O’Ryan, “but it keeps fallin’ off!”
Irish One Liner Joke 03
Q. “Well, Mike,” said the doctor. “I can’t quite diagnose your case. I think it must be the drink.”
A. “Sure, that’s all right, doctor,” said Mike. “I know how you feel. I’ll come back when you’re sober.”
Irish One Liner Joke 04
Q. “Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?” asked President Franklin D. Roosevelt.
A. “Do we now?” came New York Mayor Al Smith’s reply.
Irish One Liner Joke 05
Q. A severe storm rumbled through Carlow last week and destroyed the entire town:
A. $10 worth of damage was reported.
Irish One Liner Joke 06
Q. An American lawyer asked, “Paddy, why is it that whenever I ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?
A. “Who told you that?” asked Paddy.
Irish One Liner Joke 07
Q. An IRA man shows up at the pearly gates and St. Peter comes out to greet him. St. Peter takes one look and says “I don’t think you can get in here.
A. The IRA man says “Who wants in? You’ve twenty minutes to get the *#!@ out!
Irish One Liner Joke 08
Q. Definition of an Irish husband?
A. A man who hasn’t kissed his wife in twenty years, but he’ll kill the man who does.
Irish One Liner Joke 09
Q. Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
Irish One Liner Joke 10
Q. Did you hear that the library at Trinity burned down?
A. Naturally, the students were very upset….some of the books weren’t colored-in yet.
Irish One Liner Joke 11
Q. His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan. “Did she say anything before she died?” asked the sergeant.
A. “She spoke without interruption for about forty years,” said Finnegan.
Irish One Liner Joke 12
Q. How can you tell if a Trinity student is heterosexual?
A. He can outrun his roommate!
Irish One Liner Joke 13
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at Trinity?
A. With a restraining order.
Irish One Liner Joke 14
Q. How do we know that Christ was Irish?
A. Because he was 33 still lived at home thought his mother was a virgin and she thought he was the son of God.
Irish One Liner Joke 15
Q. How do you get a IT grad off your front porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza.
Irish One Liner Joke 16
Q. How many Athlone IT students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None – Westmeath looks better in the dark.
Irish One Liner Joke 17
Q. How many Trinity students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One – he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him
Irish One Liner Joke 18
Q. How many UL students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Three – One to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one.
Irish One Liner Joke 19
Q. Irish lass customer: “Could I be trying on that dress in the window?”
A. Shopkeeper: “Well now, I’d prefer that you use the dressing room.”
Irish One Liner Joke 20
Q. Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, “Is that you I hear spittin’ in the vase on the mantle piece?”
A. “No,” said himself, “but I am gettin closer.”
Irish One Liner Joke 21
Q. Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.
A. Quinn considers him to be very lucky. His wife makes him walk.
Irish One Liner Joke 22
Q. Paddy was rather sad after viewing the body of a dead atheist. A. “There he was. All dressed up and no place to go.”
Irish One Liner Joke 23
Q. Paddy was walking through a graveyard when de came across a headstone with the inscription “Here lies a politician and an honest man.”
A. “Faith now,” exclaimed Paddy, “I wonder how they got the two of them in one grave.”
Irish One Liner Joke 24
Q. Seamus do you understand French?
A. I do if its spoken in Irish.
Irish One Liner Joke 25
Q. Seamus was getting irate and shouted upstairs to his wife,” Hurry up or we’ll be late.”
A. “Oh, be quiet,” replied his wife. “Haven’t I been telling you for the last hour that I’ll be ready in a minute?”
Irish One Liner Joke 26
Q. She followed her husband to the public house. “How can you come here,” she said, taking a sip of his pint of Guinness, “and drink that awful stuff?”
A. “Now!” he cried, “And you always said I was out enjoying meself.”
Irish One Liner Joke 27
Q. Two Irishmen had just won $5000,000 in a lottery. Having a pint in a pub Tim say to Sean, what about all them beggin letters?
A. Sean replies, we’ll just keep sending them.
Irish One Liner Joke 28
Q. What do tornadoes and graduates from IT’s have in common?
A. They both end up in trailer parks.
Irish One Liner Joke 29
Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A. A Murder Suspect.
Irish One Liner Joke 30
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Carlow campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Irish One Liner Joke 31
Q. What does a IT student call a D.C.U student after graduation?
Irish One Liner Joke 32
Q. What have Irishmen and Jesus Christ got in common?
A. They both lived with their mother until they were 33 and neither had a job.
Irish One Liner Joke 33
Q. What’s the first thing a Trinity girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Irish One Liner Joke 34
Q. Why are Irish jokes so simple?
A. So the English can understand them.
Irish One Liner Joke 35
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Carlow?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Irish One Liner Joke 36
Q. Why do Trinity graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
A. So they can park in handicap spaces.
Irish One Liner Joke 37
Q. Why does it take five Irishmen to change a lightbulb?
A. One to change the bulb. Four to remark about how grand the old bulb was.
Irish One Liner Joke 38
Q. Why don’t they have Christmas at Trinity?
A. They can’t find a virgin and three wise men.
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