Funny Voicemail Message 1
Hi you reached your name and I’m not here. Leave a message.. BEEP.. Seconds later say “HAHA, that was a fake beep created by my mouth. I fooled you good!”

Funny Voicemail Message 2
A is for A, B is for Beer, C is for C, D is for Drunk. Call me back in 48 hours when I’m R for Recovered!

Funny Voicemail Message 3
A is for apple, B is for beer and that may be why I’m not here. Leave a message.

Funny Voicemail Message 4
Alright listen, I’m on one line with my girlfriend and her best friend on the other. Leave a message and if you promise to not tell either of them that I’m a player, I’ll call you back.

Funny Voicemail Message 5
Back in MY DAY we didn’t use answering machines. We used jumbo sized devices to take messages for us. Those we called “Answering Machines” and I just realized.. I sound like an idiot!

Funny Voicemail Message 6
Bob is currently in the shower. He’s there an hour per day. I wonder what the heck he does in that time. Oh well, probably plays with himself.

Funny Voicemail Message 7
Help me.. HELP ME!! My wife wants me in bed. PLEASE CALL 911!!!! HURRY!!! AHHHHH!!!

Funny Voicemail Message 8
Hi this is Bob’s answering machine and I will need a few things from you. #1 is your full name including middle name. #2 is your address including postal code. #3 is your credit card number with the 3 digit security code on the back. There’s a porn site I want to join and I don’t want to use my moms information.

Funny Voicemail Message 9
Hi you have reached Bob and I’m not interested in having my grass cut, buying new windows or installing new doors.

Funny Voicemail Message 10
Hi you’ve reached Bob. If you want to leave a message press 1. If you want to leave a message about how sexy I am, press 2. If you have the wrong number, press 9. As you already can tell, the number pressing doesn’t do anything. I did all this just to feel.. cool..

Funny Voicemail Message 11
Hi, I am Bob’s answering machine and he’s pissing me off. Everyday he changes his messages and I’m sick of all the button pressing he does. If you come over, can you please take me? I need a new owner who doesn’t push buttons!

Funny Voicemail Message 12
Hi, I understand how annoying long messages can be. Why do people always waste so much time talking about crap? Well I’m with you on this one. I can’t stand people who leave long messages talking about nothing useful. Why can’t they just get to the point? All they have to say is “Hey I’m not here cause I’m doing important stuff. Leave a message!” Anyways I kept this message short. Leave one after the beep.

Funny Voicemail Message 13
Hi, I’m in the process of getting married. Why can’t the priest operate as quick as a microwave? Less than 5 minutes or your money back!

Funny Voicemail Message 14
Hi, I’m not interested in answering your call right now but my voicemail is. Leave one!

Funny Voicemail Message 15
Hi, if you’re a telemarketer give me your number and I’ll call you back. What, you don’t want me to call you back? Now you know how I feel!

Funny Voicemail Message 16
Hi, my name is the answering machine and I record messages in your very own authentic voice. Would you like to increase the size of your penis? I sell those too!

Funny Voicemail Message 17
Hi, this is Bob’s voicemail and he’s on vacation. He’s in the Caribbean partying with all the tourists. If you like you can rob his place and I won’t say a word!

Funny Voicemail Message 18
Hi, this isn’t Bob’s phone number. You got the wrong number.

Funny Voicemail Message 19
Hi, you’ve reached the pizza delivery guy and I’m trying to make a delivery but am stuck waiting for the train to go by for the 10th time. This customer gets me every time!

Funny Voicemail Message 20
I didn’t answer your call because, well, I didn’t want to.

Funny Voicemail Message 21
I had the phone ringing in my hand but was too lazy to answer it. Leave a message.

Funny Voicemail Message 22
If you are a male, keep your voice and say you are a female. Hi, this is Bob’s girlfriend. I drove him in debt and took his phone. Leave a message and if you sound rich & sexy, you’ll hear back!

Funny Voicemail Message 23
If you’re calling for Bob, press 1. If you are calling for Greg, press 2. Hey I have some news for you, there’s no Greg at this number. HAHA I lied to you! You got fooled pretty good!

Funny Voicemail Message 24
I’m horny. Leave me your availability and I’ll call back as soon as possible.

Funny Voicemail Message 25
I’m pretty drunk & unstable. I think my hands are vibrating. How am I going to hold my next drink without spilling it?? PLEASE TELL ME!!

Funny Voicemail Message 26
I’m probably too lazy to answer. Leave a message and I’ll call back. If you don’t hear from me, then it’s cause I don’t like you!

Funny Voicemail Message 27
Keep your original voice Hi, I’m Katie and.. Who did I say I was? Oh man, I gotta keep off the Viagra!

Funny Voicemail Message 28
Luke.. I am your father!

Funny Voicemail Message 29
Make sound effects with your mouth. Yo Yo Yo.. This is Bob who’s here to make the save. You want to talk to me but I will be charging a fee. Leave a message so I can make enough for a massage!

Funny Voicemail Message 30
Moan out loud. I’m busy.. working.. out.. leave.. a.. message!

Funny Voicemail Message 31
Oh no.. You’re calling.. Someone.. please pull my plug!!! Hello.. anyone there?? NOOOOOO…

Funny Voicemail Message 32
Oh wicked, I finally got an answering machine. YAY! Now how do you work this thing? Let’s see.. To record message, press the REC button. Alright, where the heck is the REC button? Someone else says out loud Bob you moron, it’s right here and you already pressed it! Then you say Ahh crap!

Funny Voicemail Message 33
Sorry I don’t answer the phone or check my messages but if you are calling to donate me money, leave a message and I’ll call you back within seconds.

Funny Voicemail Message 34
Sorry I missed your call. I’m probably running away from the wife. She’s in one of those moods.. AGAIN!

Funny Voicemail Message 35
This answering machine is expensive and works like a piece of junk!

Funny Voicemail Message 36
This is Bob and I just picked up the best answering machine in the world. The recordings are in high quality. Leave a message now so I can listen to it in 5.1 surround sound!

Funny Voicemail Message 37
What the heck do you want!?

Funny Voicemail Message 38
Yo, this is Bob coming to you from the rave, never knowing when to behave. I can rhyme within time and you should leave one before I win a ton!

Funny Voicemail Message 39
You’ve reached the countdown.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1..

Funny Voicemail Message 40
If a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer it, was there really a phone call? Help me investigate this phenomenon by leaving your name and number after the tone.

Funny Joker
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: I love funny jokes which is probably why I own this very funny jokes website :-) The jokes here are NOT work friendly, you've been warned.

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