Terry Pratchett Quote 01
Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead. — (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)

Terry Pratchett Quote 02
It’s going to look pretty good, then, isn’t it, said War testily, “the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocralypse.” — The Four Horsemen of the Apocralyse encounter unexpected difficulties (Terry Pratchett, Sourcery)

Terry Pratchett Quote 03
Sodomy non sapiens, said Albert under his breath. – “What does that mean?” – “Means I’m buggered if I know.” — Mort and Albert are facing a problem (Terry Pratchett, Mort)

Terry Pratchett Quote 04
“There is nothing that can be in our way, for this is Jekub, that Laughs at Barriers, and says brrm-brrm. — From the Book Of Nome, Jekub, Chap. 3, v. V (Terry Pratchett, Diggers)

Terry Pratchett Quote 05
What is it that a man may call the greatest things in life?”” – “”Hot water, good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper.”” — Cohen the Barbarian in conversation with Discworld nomads (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic) ”

Terry Pratchett Quote 06
You won’t get away with this, said Cutwell. He thought for a bit and added, “Well, you will probably get away with it, but you’ll feel bad about it on your deathbed and you’ll wish — ” He stopped talking. — Cutwell tries to reason with the Duke of Sto Helit (Terry Pratchett, Mort)

Terry Pratchett Quote 07
You’re dead, he said. Keli waited. She couldn’t think of any suitable reply. “I’m not” lacked a certain style, while “Is it serious?” seemed somehow too frivolous. — Princess Keli in trouble (Terry Pratchett, Mort)

Terry Pratchett Quote 08
A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read. — (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

Terry Pratchett Quote 09
A number of religions in Ank-Morpork still practised human sacrifice, except that they didn’t really need to practice any more because they had got so good at it. — (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

Terry Pratchett Quote 10
A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been universally established as the amount of magic needed to create one small white pigeon or three normal sized billiard balls. — (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)

Terry Pratchett Quote 11
All dwarfs are by nature dutiful, serious, literate, obedient and thoughtful people whose only minor failing is a tendency, after one drink, to rush at enemies screaming “Arrrrrrgh!” and axing their legs off at the knee. — (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

Terry Pratchett Quote 12
All dwarfs have beards and wear up to twelve layers of clothing. Gender is more or less optional. — (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

Terry Pratchett Quote 13
Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote. — Discworld politics explained (Terry Pratchett, Mort)

Terry Pratchett Quote 14
Any wizard bright enough to survive for five minutes was also bright enough to realise that if there was any power in demonology, then it lay with the demons. Using it for your own purposes would be like trying to beat mice to death with a rattlesnake. — Why summoning demons is a Bad Idea (Terry Pratchett, Eric)

Terry Pratchett Quote 15
He moved in a way that suggested he was attempting the world speed record for the nonchalant walk. — (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)

Terry Pratchett Quote 16
He nodded to the troll which was employed by the Drum as a splatter [footnote: Like a bouncer, but trolls use more force]. — Nobby takes Carrot for a drink in The Mended Drum (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

Terry Pratchett Quote 17
I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, he said, BUT I COULD MURDER A CURRY. — Death addresses his new apprentice (Terry Pratchett, Mort)

Terry Pratchett Quote 18
‘I HOPE WE ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE ANY OF THIS “FOUL FIEND” BUSINESS AGAIN.’– DEATH gets summoned by the college council (Terry Pratchett, Eric)

Terry Pratchett Quote 19
I USHERED SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD. I WAS THE GRAVE OF ALL HOPE. I WAS THE ULTIMATE REALITY. I WAS THE ASSASSIN AGAINST WHOM NO LOCK WOULD HOLD. – “Yes, point taken, but do you have any particular skills?” — Death consults a job broker (Terry Pratchett, Mort)

Terry Pratchett Quote 20
‘If you’re going to suggest I try dropping twenty feet down a pitch dark tower in the hope of hitting a couple of greasy little steps which might not even still be there, you can forget it,’ said Rincewind sharply. – ‘There is an alternative, then.’ – ‘Out with it, man.’ – ‘You could drop five hundred feet down a pitch black tower and hit stones which certainly are there,’ said Twoflower. Dead silence from below him. Then Rincewind said, accusingly, ‘That was sarcasm.’ — (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)

Terry Pratchett Quote 21
It is a fact that although the Death of the Discworld is, in his own words, an ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION, he long ago gave up using the traditional skeletal horses, because of the bother of having to stop all the time to wire bits back on. — (Terry Pratchett, Mort)

Terry Pratchett Quote 22
It was possibly the most circumspect advance in the history of military manoeuvres, right down at the bottom end of the scale that things like the Charge of the Light Brigade are at the top of. — The City Watch takes action (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

Terry Pratchett Quote 23
Lady Ramkin’s bosom rose and fell like an empire. — (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

Terry Pratchett Quote 24
‘Oook?’ It’s a metaphor of human bloody existence, a dragon. And if that wasn’t bad enough, it’s also a bloody great hot flying thing. — Captain Vimes ponders his problems (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

Terry Pratchett Quote 25
People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, “Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else.” — Carrot travels to Ankh-Morpork (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

Terry Pratchett Quote 26
Poets have tried to describe Ankh-Morpork. They have failed. Perhaps it’s the sheer zestful vitality of the place, or maybe it’s just that a city with a million inhabitants and no sewers is rather robust for poets, who prefer daffodils and no wonder. — (Terry Pratchett, Mort)

Terry Pratchett Quote 27
‘Pull me up, then,’ he hinted. – ‘I think that might be sort of difficult,’ grunted Twoflower. ‘I don’t actually think I can do it, in fact.’ – ‘What are you holding on to, then?’ – ‘You.’ – ‘I mean besides me.’ – ‘What do you mean, besides you?’ said Twoflower. — (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)

Terry Pratchett Quote 28
‘Shut up and tell me what that other idiot ish doing!’ ‘No, but look, if I’ve got to shut up, how can I –‘ The knife at his throat became a hot streak of pain and Rincewind decided to give logic a miss. — Cohen the Barbarian interrogates Rincewind (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)

Terry Pratchett Quote 29
Something small and distant broke through the cloud layer, trailing shreds of vapour. In the stratospheric calm the sounds of bickering came sharp and clear. ‘You said you could fly one of these things!’ ‘No I didn’t; I just said *you* couldn’t!’ — Rincewind and Twoflower attempt broomstick flying (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)

Terry Pratchett Quote 30
‘Students made it long ago,’ said Rincewind. Handy way in and out after lights out.’ ‘Ah,’ said Twoflower, ‘I *understand*. Over the wall and out to brightly-lit tavernas to drink and sing and recite poetry, yes?’ ‘Nearly right except for the singings and the poetry, yes,’ said Rincewind. — (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)

Terry Pratchett Quote 31
The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking. — (Terry Pratchett, Eric)

Terry Pratchett Quote 32
The druid stiffened. ‘*Nice?*’ he said. ‘A triumph of the silicon chunk, a miracle of modern masonic technology — *nice*? ‘Oh, yes,’ said Twoflower, to whom sarcasm was merely a seven letter word beginning with S. — (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)

Terry Pratchett Quote 33
The gods of the Disc have never bothered much about judging the souls of the dead, and so people only go to hell if that’s where they believe, in their deepest heart, that they deserve to go. Which they won’t do if they don’t know about it. This explains why it is so important to shoot missionaries on sight. — (Terry Pratchett, Eric)

Terry Pratchett Quote 34
The librarian was, ex officio, a member of the college council. No-one had been able to find any rule about orang-utans being barred, although they had surreptiously looked very hard for one. — Unseen University politics at work (Terry Pratchett, Eric)

Terry Pratchett Quote 35
The old shaman said carefully, ‘You didn’t just see two men go through upside down on a broomstick, shouting and screaming at each other, did you?’ The boy looked at him levelly. ‘Certainly not,’ he said. The old man heaved a sigh of relief. ‘Thank goodness for that,’ he said. ‘Neither did I.’ — Rincewind and Twoflower take up broomstick flying (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)

Terry Pratchett Quote 36
The only things known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Weedle. He reasoned like this: you can’t have more than one king, and tradition demands that there is no gap between kings, so when a king dies the succession must therefore pass to the heir *instantaneously*. Presumeably, he said, there must be some elementary particles — kingons, or possibly queons — that do this job, but of course succession sometimes fails if, in mid-flight, they strike an anti-particle, or republicon. His ambitious plans to use his discovery to send messages, involving the careful torturing of a small king in order to modulate the signal, were never fully expanded because, at that point, the bar closed. — (Terry Pratchett, Mort)

Terry Pratchett Quote 37
The point that must be made is that although Herrena the Henna-Haired Harridan would look quite stunning after a good bath, a heavy-duty manicure, and the pick of the leather racks in Woo Hung Ling’s Oriental Exotica and Martial Aids on Heroes Street, she was currently quite sensibly dressed in light chain mail, soft boots, and a short sword. All right, maybe the boots were leather. But not black. — (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)

Terry Pratchett Quote 38
The thing between Death’s triumphant digits was a fly from the dawn of time. It was the fly in the primordial soup. It had bred on mammoth turds. It wasn’t a fly that bangs on window panes, it was a fly that drills through walls. — Death goes fishing (Terry Pratchett, Mort)

Terry Pratchett Quote 39
The three rules of the Librarians of Time and Space are: 1) Silence; 2) Books must be returned no later than the date last shown; and 3) Do not interfere with the nature of causality. — (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

Terry Pratchett Quote 40
There had been some desultory talk about putting up a statue to Rincewind but, by the curious alchemy that tends to apply in these sensitive issues, this quickly became a plaque, then a note on the Roll of Honour, and finally a motion of censure for being improperly dressed. — Unseen University politics at work (Terry Pratchett, Eric)

Terry Pratchett Quote 41
There was a thoughtful pause in the conversation as the assembled Brethren mentally divided the universe into the deserving and the undeserving, and put themselves on the appropriate side. — The Unique and Supreme Lodge of the Elucidated Brethren see the light (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

Terry Pratchett Quote 42
Women’s clothes were not a subject that preoccupied Cutwell much — in fact, usually when he thought about women his mental pictures seldom included any clothes at all — but the vision in front of him really did take his breath away. — Princess Keli prepares for her coronation (Terry Pratchett, Mort)

Terry Pratchett Quote 43
‘You mean mysterious ancient races of Amazonian princesses who subject all male prisoners to strange and exhausting progenitative rites?’ said Eric, his glasses beginning to fog. — (Terry Pratchett, Eric)

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